To a Real Life Beauty From a Real Life Beast

[Lyonize]

Im going to shorten this up and leave some of the details out in the interest of conciseness.

So several months ago, I found out that a couple of my closest friends had been lying to me for the past year. There was this girl I liked and I pursued her for a while until I figured out we should just be friends at least for a little while until we were ready. But the whole time, I felt like she was ignoring me. I asked some other ppl in our little circle of friends if something is going on. They all said everything is fine and it's weird that she was acting that way. So eventually I went to her and told her I felt like she was ignoring me. Her reply: "We'll see what we can do about it." After that, nothing changed. She kept ignoring me. I still assumed the best and thought she didn't realize she was ignoring me. Later on, I was talking to her best friend, another friend of mine. I was getting impatient and kept trying to figure out what was going on. Finally, she told me that the girl was ignoring me on purpose because she didn't want me to make a move or something... The whole year, I beat myself up wondering why she looked embarrassed around me. I literally drove myself to tears trying to figure out what was wrong with me. But instead of telling me that she didn't want me to pursue her and she just wanted to be friends, she ignored me for a year. Sometimes I feel like I'm over it and other times I just want to punch a whole in the wall.

So I wrote this poem. The first 20 lines were writen as a poem to her before I found everything out. Then I just had this poem sitting around and I felt like I needed to finish it.  



To a Real Life Beauty From a Real Life Beast.

I thought I was content
With the cage that held my heart
I did not search for love
Didnt even want to start

At the sight of a girl
I'd often flee
For who could love a beast
As ugly as me?

I shut up my heart
With a lock without a key
"I don't need anyone" said I
Then you looked at me

Within the cage, between the bars
My heart began to melt
I began to understand
Feelings I'd never felt

I rushed in blind
Without a clue
You were the only one
Id ever wanted to pursue

Don't get your hopes up
This is not a happy chapter
There is no grand finale
No happily ever after 

Since you ignored me first
I'll ignore you back
I may never know
What it is I apparently lacked

Now I know 
Exactly what it's like
To be stabbed in the back
With a ten inch spike

Iv beat myself up
Wondering what more could I be
When the whole time
There was no fault in me

This entire time
There was nothing I could do
There's nothing wrong with me
Everything is wrong with you

So let this be a warning 
To all in contact with me
Pretend to be my friend
And I'll make you my enemy

My heart no longer lies
Inside a rusty cage
But in a fortress of steel
The product of my rage

Broken and battered,
My heart remains inside
I will protect it fiercely 
Just because you lied 

I won't fight for you 
I won't fight for anyone
Because of what you did
I am completely done

Iv been treated like this,
This isn't the first time
Iv been treated like dirt
Like I'm not worth a dime

I know what it feels like
To be the one they condescend
But now the knife in my back
Is held by my friend

What if the one who stabbed the beast
Instead of Gaston, was Belle?
Wouldn't you feel despair?
Like common sense had gone to hell?

Make up your mind
Am I your friend or not?
Or would you rather ignore
And leave my heart to rot?

The clock is ticking
And if you really cared,
You would have talked
But you never even dared

If you came back to fix what broke
Everything could have been mended
But that's all in the past
Just because you pretended

I wish you had talked to me 
Or looked at me at least

To a real life beauty 
From a real life beast

[Genie]

girls can be very hurtful, deliberately or not.. but at least you know the truth now that she was just to chicken to tell you her stance and you can move on with things

(and before any of the girls tell me off, yes i know guys can be as bad)

[kitkat]

Sorry you were hurt DJ, your 'friends' should have told you, and not lied to you.

Everyone gets hurt by someone sometimes, I get told that's life and even though you think back about it at times, the pain does go away.
Hope you feel better soon.

Your poem has really good words too.

[Lyonize]

Thanks Genie and Kait. I'm glad I have friends like you. Anyway, I leave for college on the 16th and I dont want to just drop this whole thing and leave it. So I'm going to talk to them and hope this has been the biggest, most unfortunate misunderstanding in my life. I'm a little worried but hey, thats never stopped me.

[dakota]

We have already talked about this over the past few months together, and I know you are on the road to bigger and better relationships in your life. The first love in your life is always the hardest and emotional (in most cases) to forget and let go of and it mighten seem like it now, but she will fade into your teenage memories.

Respect and trust yourself and your instincts, you will find a really nice girl who will appreciate and love you, for who you are and what you believe in.

Good luck in having your talk with them, but don't get your hopes up too great, they've had all this time to come and apologise to you but have stayed away, but anyway go and tell them what you are feeling anyway.
HUgs

[Lyonize]

You guys are the best.